33 writes 25

pregnant

Dear Barb,

Whoa girl! You've gotten yourself into a pickle this time, haven't you?

I know you think you've gotten it all under control, but to save yourself a little angst further down the line, there are a few things you need to know:

1) it's a boy. they're going to change his name completely, so try to cope with that now. while he may look like a red little monkey next month, he's going to look exactly like you in a few years, for better or worse.

2) you're never going to see a size 10 ever again. you think you're fat now? just wait until there's no longer a baby excuse. all that cheese you've been eating will gel itself to your thighs. forever. your "cute girl" days are behind you.

3) go to the agency right now and ask for more "open-ness". yes, i know you think its going to be fine, and it will be for a few years. but then it won't, and you'll be screwed. and that silly agency picnic? you might want to reconsider attending. in a few years, it will be years between visits. stop that eye rolling, i know what i'm talking about.

4) be wary of what Betty tells you in the future. yes, i know you think they're the bees knees. keep your hand up and your poker face straight. call it "placement self preservation". you'll thank me for warning you about showing too much.

5) you will feel compelled to ask permission during visits to take photos. while its unfortunate, just do it and take several rolls. make sure there's actually film in the camera. i didn't check once, and cried for days afterwards. also, nobody will ever go with you during visits. you'll never be asked if any other family member(s) would like to join you. so have your mother take more pictures in the hospital, because its the only time she's ever going to see him.

6) you're not going to want to do this...spend every moment you can with him in the hospital. we're talking 48 hours. it will zip by in a haze of exhaustion, painkillers and other coping mechanisms. but this is the only time you really have, so make it count. they will have a lifetime, you have hours. understand what i'm saying here?

7) you're going to be okay. but knock off the smartass bit, will you? its not all that it appears to be. any of it. you are a good person, and i love you.

remember, i AM you.