Remainders, Hurts & the NYT

in past-life, i worked for The MegaBookstore, in a variety of capacities over my 7 year tenure. for a spell, when i lived "out west", i helped open a new location, and was put in charge of the "remainders" sections. i was, for a year, the queen of overstocked, marked down, slightly damaged, out-of-date books in all genres. but when my shipment came every tuesday, it was the box of "hurts" i was seeking. we'd receive only a copy or two of a specific title, marked way down for some reason: a little more than shopworn, a non-stock special order that was never picked up by the customer, too specific academic texts. and sometimes, there would be no obvious reason. and maybe i'd find a copy of something truly amazing $2.98. a jewel in a sea of mass produced cookbooks, coffee table books and best sellers past their prime.

one evening, about 8 years ago, i made a drunken analogy about Chris, while sitting with him in a local bar. it was my pathetic attempt at trying to cheer him up while he was bemoaning relationship woes. i compared his value as a friend to first a remainder, then a hurt. what i had been trying to say was that he was a jewel in a sea of over-hyped, quality paperback pap for the masses. "yeah", he said. "for the low, low discount price of $4.98. all this and more."

fortunately, he knew what i had meant, although he gave me a snarky/difficult time about it.

but maybe it wasn't just about him. maybe it was about me, too. i felt slightly damaged, a little overexposed. why would anybody pay "full price" for me, when they could just wait a few months until i hit the sale bin? and truth be told, for the first few years after the Kiddo was born, i did feel shopworn. as a result, i made some perhaps inappropriate choices in my life. i needed to prove to someone (who that is remains to be seen. it could be any number of suspects) that i wasn't a throw-away. that i really was a new york times bestseller.

i have a happy home on my "bookshelf". i'm read daily and well loved by the lead clerk. my spine is bent back and cracked in a few places, but not due to careless handling. my dust jacket may be torn in a few places, and certainly i'll never be a first edition collectible or have a reading guide supplement. and i'm okay with that.

thanks to Joy, who inspired this post.