the house phone rang at 1250pm. i was in the bedroom, reading.
"are we home?" Chris asked.
i mumbled something that resembled "telemarketer", as nobody really calls the house. but a message was left and i shambled over to the machine and hit "mailbox one".
"hi, this is Trusted Ally calling for Barbara. if you could give me a call..."
my stomach sank. it wasn't a social call, not during business hours. not on the the house phone. i struggled to remember the office number and dialed. i was connected immediately with Trusted Ally. we exchanged "hey how's it goings", and then i waited.
"we received a package from H for the Kiddo," she informed me.
"oh really?" i don't know how often H corresponds with Betty & Barney, and at this point, could care less. he's on the other side of the country, and that's enough.
"well, he's had a child. with his 'life partner' "
"what??!? when?" i had already felt my face flush and my eyes twitch in preparation for tears.
"um, last summer. i'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but i wanted to be the one to do it, rather than have it possibly mentioned to you by Betty."
my breath caught, hitched a few times.
"what was it?"
"a boy."
"what'd they name it?"
"Hieronymus Superman" (not really, but in the ballpark)
"i really appreciate you telling me, Trusted Ally. i wouldn't have wanted that sprung on me in other circumstances."
hitch, pull-yourself-together-right-n0w-dammit.
Trusted Ally had a pending appointment, so we disconnected after a few minutes.
a thousand different emotions rushed at me in about 10 seconds, none of them positive. after about half an hour, i felt equal parts seething, long-festering fury and vast emptiness. my alice-in-wonderland apartment seemed suddenly claustrophobic, so i went for a drive.
a huge part of my adoption issues stem from unresolved issues between he and i. many unsettled blistering matters, at least on my end. i'm so glad for him that he's never had to directly deal with any of this other than signing the TPR. i'm so thrilled he returned to school. i'm so ecstatic that now he's ready to parent with his 'life partner'. i'm so delirious with joy that he's been able to have some type of happy ending.
yes, i'm so bitter, i'm so aware.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
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13 comments:
I'm glad you've got Trusted Ally looking out for you. In sisterly-support, I send virtual kicks in the testicle-region towards H.
hugs. i so understand. have had my own feelings in this regard. big hugs. i just dont write about them
Gah. *hugs* No words. Just support.
Me me! Pain-in-the-ass bfather who couldn't be bothered with me or his children went on to have a daughter soon after he left me. I could never expain how that made me feel. I bet your feeling the same thing now. All I could do was turn on Alanis and scream angry words to the sky.
(((hugs Barb)))
Dawn - i am lucky in that regard that after 9 years, Trusted Ally continues to look out for me.
Suz & Bear's Mommy - i don't write about him as often as he pops up in my head, because i don't know if i'm being fair. well, i just had to say "screw it" for this. i have plenty of colorful adjectives that are just rolling around in my brain.
Jenna- always appreciated. thanks.
Bah. Thinking of you and sending support.
And what a GREAT time to find that out...BAH is right.
As hard as is it is...Happy Mothers day...
I love you.
B
(I hate this day)
Oh, no. And it had to happen now. *hugs* Love you and thinking about you.
PS- thanks. always appreciated.
Beth & Karen - the timing was... impeccable if you thinking about Murphy's Law.
thanks to all for the good mojo.
simply sucktacular.
I am glad you heard it from a trusted source rather than wreck into it. Thoughts - good to you, grr to him.
ouch. I recently found out my dd's dad adopted his infant stepdaughter two years after our dd was born and reliquished. WTF? Layers and waves of feelings, and not one of them good.
Marnie - you do know i love the word "sucktacular" right? :)
Anon - thanks for stopping by. a little validation from others going through a similar thing goes a long way, doesn't it? be well.
Ouch. That so bites the big one. Really. I'm sorry.
I mean. Yanno. It's not fair. I don't care if that's not mature; it's just not fair.
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