imagine being unexpectedly pregnant. imagine working up the courage to call an adoption agency. imagine the overwhelming feelings of the first appointment at said agency. imagine discovering how many families in the pool from which to "choose" to parent your unborn Kiddo. and then, imagine trying to discern how much openness you desire.
how can a person (expectant mom, prospective adoptive parents) make a sound, lifelong commitment about openness without a personal frame of reference?
i knew what was "normal" by the agency's standards. but were those "guidelines" appropriate for me? i had no idea. i'd never had a baby, placed a baby. were pictures every three months for the first year, once a year around the birthday after that first year enough? was a potential visit annually at the agency function adequate? this was fairly "normal".
do you make a lifelong commitment after two lunch dates and paperwork?
i couldn't choose an appropriate haircut while pregnant.
and yet i did make choices, on the basis of what i surmised would be best for the impending, but still abstract in some senses, Kiddo. i made decisions for someone i'd never met, setting precedents without prior experience.
cross posted at Open Adoption Support
Monday, November 05, 2007
permanent wave
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2 comments:
I know, I often think that legally binding open adoption agreements would be impossible to negotiate at the beginning of an adoption.
Our is more open than I ever dreamed possible at that time. If I had gone by what Noelle wanted then it would have been letters and pictures (once in awhile) and one visit during the first year only. She was believing what society told her, that that was all she needed.
This post is just perfect, really. How do you know these answers? I didn't know the answers before hand. In fact, I still don't know the answers as our lives grow and change, ya know? IN FACT, I have more questions now than I did then!
Great post, Barb.
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