i'm handling several situations presently that have brought up massive feelings of inadequacy. that i'm not worth the effort nor time. that i'm not worthy of their care or consideration. it's as if i've been written off without so much as a Dear Barb letter.
and some days it's been a real struggle to keep my head together: what's wrong with me? why does this happen? how did this happen? is the past just erased? quite truthfully, it's been gnawing me inside out. questions for which i'm wanting answers, but too worn out to contemplate tackling either situation well.
i never received pictures or an update this year, so i'm assuming our relationship has closed. i've had a few months to really get down & wrestle that prospect. it's been sitting in the pit of my belly for a number of years. i've done a lot of crying in the past year or so.
there just has really come a point for me where i have to just stop. and walk away. for my own preservation. i've been a puppy for far too long, waiting for scraps or a scratch behind the ears. i've been agonizing over relationships that appear irreparable.
the Kiddo has a soft half-smile in the picture on my desk at work. i don't forget, and write him letters periodically that are housed chronologically in a storage box. for him, or for me, i haven't yet discovered.
