people ask me (online & in daily life) why i don't just contact The Kiddo's parents directly and ask them why i haven't gotten an update in so long. my answer to that, no matter who is asking, is generally the same: it's complicated.
it doesn't matter that i have their phone number or an email address. i almost wish i didn't. we don't have a "call & chat" type of relationship. truthfully, i can't imagine a reason why i would call them, unless they would have called me first & i was unable to get to the phone.
i feel as if i walk a very slippery slope. going through the agency for communication at this point seems passive-aggressive. i mean, we're all adults here, and have been "in this" for over a decade. the last time i asked for something "extra", perhaps 2 years ago, the request went unanswered. and with no update the following year... well, that was the last time i'll ask for a picture of the Kiddo participating in Underwater Basket Weaving. or anything else, for that matter.
"well what do you have to lose, if they've stopped sending updates?" is normally the next query.
pieces of my self, pieces of my pride. the days of being held to the whim & fancy are over. there is enough loss for everyone in this; why keep stretching it like taffy? who wins in that scenario? how much rejection/brushing off/disregard does a person need to tolerate before it sinks in that "they're just not into you"? hell, it took me a few years, even with the gentle comments made by people very close to me.
and then comes the inevitable "but what about The Kiddo?"
what about The Kiddo? he's 11. 2 years have passed since our last visit. if & when he wants communication with me, i'm ready, willing & able. and that's really all i can offer. its not as if i've lost hope, but my perceptions & opinions have shifted.
"it's complicated" is truly an understatement.
