this could be the start of something good

i had my first "real" therapy appointment today.

when i first sat down with "Carol", i told her straight away that i had put off therapy for so long because i'd been waiting for the Magic Adoption Counselor to materialize out of thin air.  obviously, that's not realistic.  but i let her know straight away that i was unsure about how to proceed.  

we touched on the Big Issues, so she could get a general idea of where i was in my head.  and i discovered, when i left, that she "got" me.  she pinned and drew from me the Real Reasons why some incidents occurred the way they did, and why, possibly, some relationships are the way they are.  some of her observations are things that i wrote about a few months ago.  so at least i was on the right track.

all in 45 minutes.

she doesn't know much about adoption.  right now, i'm okay with that.  while that's one of the Big Issues, it's simply that, just one.  i can see myself learning to trust Carol, being able to open up a bit.  i've seen glimpses in the past 10 days of who i really am, the Barb that has gotten buried in a landslide of emotional mud.  and i see that woman making more regular appearances with a lot of work and some time.  we're taking it "slow".  there's no hurry.  i feel, for the first time in ages, that i've got all the time in the world.