friday afternoon

i was lying on the bed reading when my cell phone rang. the house phone rang a few minutes prior, but our phone & answering machine are located in a storage cabinet in the kitchen, and i didn't feel like getting up and just heard the murmuring of a message recording.

when i looked at my phone, the display showed "private number". interesting and slightly mysterious. so i answered it.

"may i please speak to Barbara?"

"speaking."

"hi Barbara, this is the Ivana Know, Director of Outpatient Therapy at YourTherapyInstitute."

"mmm, hi. what can i do for you?"

"i was just calling you to ensure that you'd been contacted earlier regarding the fact that Carol is no longer with YourTherapyInstitute".

shit.

i sighed.

"no, i was not contacted. so what's next?"

Ivana chuckled. "you sound resigned"

"well, it is what is, right?"

she set me up with a new therapist, Clarice, and an appointment three weeks from now.

"while i have you on the phone, Ivana, is there anyone at YourTherapyInstitute that has experience in adoption? you know, like birthparent grief and "adoption fallout". "

"i've been reading your chart, and see that's one of your issues. while we don't have anyone here with specific experience, i think Clarice may be a good fit for you. if after a session or two, you don't think its going to work, call me personally and we'll take it from there."

we exchanged pleasantries and disconnected.

i shambled out into the living room where Chris was watching Phillies pre-game hooha. he knew something was brewing, hearing me at the calendar.

"Carol left YourTherapyInstitute".

we talked about it for awhile. i was upset. no, not quite. i was angry. royally angry. a waste of time, a waste of money. and i'll get the pleasure of starting all over again. somebody might think that it was kind of a blessing, considering that i was mulling over whether or not to switch therapists. but i hadn't decided, as my next appointment with Carol was slated for this coming Monday.

back to the drawing board.